"Shoulds" (Question #6 of 35)

Happiness / Peace of Mind

Are my "shoulds" getting in the way of my happiness?

All of us have certain responsibilities/obligations that we must take care of, the things that we "should" do (e.g. pay our bills/debts, take care of our families, etc.). However, there are some self-imposed "shoulds," that are not critical to our existence, that we all work diligently  to acquire, possess, and obtain. Some of these "shoulds" are more concretely based and are materialistic in nature: I "should" have a nice(er) house, car, boat, etc. Other "shoulds" are more abstract and emotionally based: reverence for various actions preformed, an award for an achievement, and so on. The pursuit of these "shoulds" tend to leave us drained, physically, mentally, and sometimes financially; these "shoulds" ultimately leave us unfulfilled, even if we obtain our self-imposed "shoulds."

The term I have designated for these self-imposed "shoulds" is hedonistic "shoulds" (came up with that all by myself...LOL). Hedonistic "shoulds" are the result of our excessive pursuit of fleshly pleasure; and the kicker is that we pursue most, if not all, of these "shoulds" because everyone else is pursuing the same "shoulds." The reason for everyone's pursuit of these "shoulds" is because of scarcity, and to obtain some or most of these "shoulds" you are placed into an elite class. Question: why are diamonds more coveted than than cubic zirconias? Answer: because they are more scarce and to have one, or many (preferably), signifies to others you are person of means and high social status. ( Now let that marinate for a minute)

Over the past 6 months or so, I have seen a steady decline in my hedonistic "shoulds" and an increase in my happiness. It seems almost counter-intuitive I have less access to various material pleasures, than I have in the past yet I am happier than I have been since I was in college. With each passing day I begin to understand how Paul felt when he wrote in his letter to the Philippians, "...for I have learned, that whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and with all things I am instructed to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengthenth me." (Philippians 4: 11-13). I'm not sure where were this journey will lead me, but I know where I have been and how miserable I was and I never want to go back to that type of existence: alive but not truly living, wasting the precious time God has given in pursuit of something that ultimately makes me feel worse than when I first began...smh.